So, to help celebrate tonight's final episode, here is a compilation of lessons learned from this season. [Note: As I alluded to in a earlier post, I am aware that the good people at Awful Announcing already covered this, beating me to the topic, but I had the notes going for the entire season, so I had to see it to fruition]
NFL Films has more power than the CIA
The good people that brought us the memorable slow-motion videos of the frozen tundra and the mic'd sounds of Hank Stram somehow continue to stay current and classy. Of course, the New York Jets made this season perfect for the show, running their mouths like a Muhammad Ali-Deion Sanders lovechild. And somehow, Steve Sabol gets all access. Everything from Rex Ryan's lunch table to the car phone conversations of the GM. I feel like I know the Jets franchise more than my grandparents. Makes you think there is still journalism alive if it comes in the form of all-access. This show will continue to be good until teams like the Jets, Ravens and Bengals aren't available anymore. Do you ever see the Patriots or Colts on this show? Yep, didn't think so.
I Want Revis $$$
I honestly didn't think the guy would get signed. As much as the Jets endeared themselves to me in all of this, I wanted Revis to hold out for the entire year. I get it... with no guaranteed contracts, holdouts make sense. But with three years left on your contract?!? Stones. I wrote my original note that I would take his previous salary. But, now that he got his, he better intercept 15 balls this year, knock Randy Moss out of commission and become Mark Sanchez's #1 target. (How awesome was Rex Ryan going Postal on Revis' agents in the final episode. Go get 'em big guy! - And then I am made nauseous by how they welcome him back in the final seconds and let him break down practice)
Speaking of Mark Sanchez
He went from my fantasy sleeper to "Give me Matt Leinart" all while watching the show. Sanchez is the small-town guy who was class President, football Captain, Valedictorian and Prom King all rolled into one bright-eyed college freshman. He joined a Fraternity, won an on-campus election and found a nice girl because his bravado carried him through the early days. Then, he realized that everybody else did the same thing and he got a little panicky. Sanchez hasn't struggled yet, but did anything in any episode lead you to believe he won't have a nasty sophomore slump. The good news? He's got a helluva RB corps. Oh, and I drafted Dustin Keller in my fantasy league. Why? Because a scared QB needs to dump it off... often.
Antonio Cromartie Needs a Vasectomy
This is verbatim from my iPhone notes taken when watching episode 2. Then, it was verbatim from the aforementioned AA article. To honor who had it first, all I will say is this: When you have more than a half dozen kids under the age of three, and it takes some serious brain scratching to remember their names, you better be the second-coming of Darrelle Revis. Or get paid like him.
How Hard is it to be an NFL Owner?
Daniel Snyder overpays for free agents. Al Davis is in love with speed. Jerry Jones needed a big screen large enough to promote his chiseled face. How many owners treat their franchise worse than a three-year-old with his first set of Lincoln Logs? Or others that sit back, cut the fat and watch the money roll in. And then we were introduced to Woody Johnson. I'll invest in his company any day. Lets his employees do the work, gives advice when needed, is present and involved to a point. And then, when a situation warrants his attention (Revis), he plays ball. He capped off his Hard Knocks performance by saying, "We're in New York. You can't hustle us." Smart, savvy and sophisticated.
Steve Weatherford is My Hero
I almost cried when the show teased that he might not get his spot back as the team's punter. Because his gag was priceless. He bought everybody on the team a Shake Weight. High comedy ensued. Someday, when I am living on a pile of blog-earned money, I will be able to buy hundreds of gimmicky crap things as a gag and the world with erupt in laughter. Thank you, Steve Weatherford.
Danny Woodhead Needs More Preseason
Nothing like a 5'9" white guy to bring some drama and Rudy to Hard Knocks. They made him look like Mark Wahlberg in Invincible, only smarter. Of course I wanted him to make the team. Everybody loves the underdog story. His versatility on a team handcuffed by a 53-man roster won him a spot, and highlights just how difficult building a complete team in the NFL can be. Do we expect him to torment first-team defenses in the league? And, in watching the show alone, you can't tell me that Chauncey Washington is a worse NFL running back than Danny Woodhead. Oh well... it's an easier call from my La-Z-Boy.
My Son Will Get Punished by Mike Westhoff
I love how the first interaction with the Jets Special Teams Coach was to tell the story of his bone cancer and subsequent life unable to walk. Humanized him and really made for an incredible story. And then he turned into Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket. He was what every American should envision when they think of a hard-ass football coach. My son is yet to be born and I know that I will use DVR'd video of Westhoff to scare him straight. It will be better than timeout or the silent treatment. (Last second edit: Vintage Westhoff in the closing episode. His profanity laced rant on backup linebackers had me in tears)
Signup Liev Schreiber to Voiceover My Life
Honestly, I don't know why Sabretooth bothers acting. Sure, he is fine at doing it, but the man gargles with silk water. If only he would have narrated episodes of The Hills maybe I would have stuck the final seasons out with my wife. Maybe the Jets aren't interesting. Maybe 24-7 doesn't get me amped up for boxing fights. Maybe I just need to have a daily conversation with Liev. Now, watch out for Jon Hamm. He's coming for your job!
I Want to Fail Joe McKnight's Conditioning Test
Highlight 20 seconds of the season: A slow-motion shot of rookie Joe McKnight running on the field. Ripped, fast and RIPPED. Over the top of that image of masculine jealousy is Liev calmly stating that the rookie failed his conditioning test. Seriously?!? McKnight could break my ankles standing up from a chair. This isn't Albert Haynesworth, showing up with a beef, both in attitude and rolls around his stomach. If McKnight isn't in condition, I don't want to know what I am. No amount of P90X could make me look like that. The NFL player pedestal just got higher from my average-man level.
And when it is all said and done, there are your 2010 J.E.T.S Jets, Jets, Jets. Do they win the Super Bowl? (I don't think so - not enough O) Does Darrelle Revis blowout a hamstring in the first few games? (Wouldn't that be just?) Does Antonio Cromartie father a baker's dozen by the end of the year? Stay tuned for Hard Knocked Up, later this season.
No comments:
Post a Comment