Let me ask you something

I am going to set the record straight. No member of my immediate family has ever worked in the "oldest profession." You will not find them on a dirty street corner looking for a little something, if you catch my drift. As for Dez Bryant, I don't know how he might describe that. Fortunately, nobody will ever ask him that questions. Oooooops. This story has blown up. I really don't know how to formulate an opinion, but it screams of being, at the very least, insensitive, irresponsible and unprofessional. There are millions invested in these players, but where is the line in researching the background of players?

I'm not going to go farther than that, but the whole thing got me thinking... Professional athletes aren't any different than you and me interviewing for a job, right? So, they have to get asked questions to formulate whether or not they will be an effective return on investment. So, I kept thinking... There have to be some sports folks who wish they could have asked a more probing question in the past. I smell a Top 10 list:

TOP 10 Questions That Should Have Been Asked of Sports Figures

10. (Okay, this isn't a question, but relevant today) The Oakland Raiders should have brought JaMarcus Russell in before the draft and put him in one of those focus group rooms with the one-way mirror on the wall. In one corner, a table with a box of Twinkies and a Gameboy. In the other, a table with a protein bar and a playbook. When he walked immediately toward the former, maybe the Raiders would have drafted a sprinter with bricks for hands instead of the world's fastest growing multi-millionaire.

9. From: Most NBA GMs from 1976-1990

"Have you ever had the urge to snort something in your nose or party with a racing heart rate?"

To: David Thompson, Chris Washburn, John Lucas, Michael Ray Richardson, Roy Tarpley and Shawn Kemp

I wanted to make some funny 'nose candy' references here and expand on this point, but would seriously steal almost every drug-related comment from Bill Simmons' The Book of Basketball.

8. From: The Indiana University Board of Trustees

"You have teenage children, right? I am assuming, with cell phones. Have they ever taught you what a text message or three-way call is?

To: Kelvin Sampson

Seriously, Sampson claiming ignorance on the three-way calls is one of the best deer-in-headlight excuses ever. The NCAA laughed inside closed doors, I'm sure. After the laughter, a nuclear bomb exploded in the IU Basketball Program.

7. From: Congress

"Did you take performance enhancing drugs?"

To: Roger Clemens

Wait, you're saying this question was actually asked? And Clemens said what? Misremembered?!?!?! Remember when American cared about baseball players taking steroids? I don't. I think that question above killed any interest in the story. In the end, a rich baseball player is still rich (albeit isolated) and chicks dig the long ball.

6. From: Steve Fisher

"Just checking, does everybody know how many timeouts we have left?"

To: Chris Webber

A great what-if... Does Webber get called for a travel if they actually had a timeout? I think he does. The officials were in such amazement at the situation, the trance was mesmerizing.

5. From: NHL, IndyCar

"How much would it cost for us to stay on ESPN?"

To: Themselves

This is still a to-be-determined category and things are looking better, but I've been on my couch the last five nights and have failed to see hockey because I simply forget it is on Versus. This isn't a knock on Versus because they are trying and dedicate to those sports. But, it isn't mainstream sports media yet. It's a step above internet streaming: You will get the audience that wants to find you, not the person flipping around. I hope I am wrong about this in 2-3 years.

4. From: Kiki Vandeweghe

"So, do you know how to play basketball?"

To: Nikoloz Tskitishvili

If anybody knows me, they know how much I like to make fun of Skita. I am convinced that he is a really tall guy who ran a game on the corner with three cards and a cardboard box. One day, he won a video camera in a bet, had a friend video tape him dunking and sent it to Colorado. Boom, 'With the fifth pick in the NBA Draft...'

3. From: Bobby Beathard

"How do you respond to criticism?"

To: Ryan Leaf

Not a loaded question, right? Wrong. Upon asking this question, Leaf would have gone all Jim 'Chris' Everett on poor Bobby. 'What the hell is that question supposed to mean? Who have you been talking to?' Ryan would have destroyed San Diego after that. Oh wait, he did destroy San Diego.

2. From: Steve Williams

"Who was that on the phone, dude?"

To: Tiger Woods

Honestly, tell me you wouldn't have talked Tiger away from some of those skanks if you were standing right next to him. I'm all for being the proper wingman, but help your man at least upgrade.

1. From: The BCS Organizers

"Does this help us finally crown an undisputed champion?"

To: Big Football Schools

The problem here is not the question, but where it was directed. I got handed a note card today with a guy's name on it running for school board. Nothing else; Just, 'Vote for Bob.' I don't know why. But, I have the power to choose and make an impact. I should be allowed to vote on the BCS. It should be a right.

Basic interview questions that would have changed the world. Or at least made it interesting.

- Will