But, I can't be a hypocrite and sit here bashing soccer. I like sports. I like them so much that I can watch 3 hours of the St. Jude PGA tournament, flip over to catch a little beach volleyball and also check out 24 hours of sport car racing. All of this without an intervention or professional help. So, I respect and enjoy international soccer. It takes endurance, impeccable timing, some serious flopping (hey, it happens everywhere) and a little strategy.
Soccer also has the largest, most faithful fanbases in all of sports. Who am I to argue with that? You have people who will make less in their lives than what Darrelle Revis isn't making enough of now, who will mortgage everything to paint their face, blow on a horn for 90+ minutes for a nil-nil draw. I'll admit, as much as the action on the field makes me want to mainline horse steroids, the drama of who will score next is captivating. So we have the World Cup, the ultimate bragging rights for a country. Where Switzerland can sneak one goal past the Spaniards and spark riots and suicidal thoughts from Malaga to Pamplona. This doesn't happen in an NFL game. Last I checked, I made it to work the day after Tracy Porter pick-sixed Peyton.
So, everybody set your DVRs and don't forget to factor in stoppage time. Pick a third-world country that couldn't afford the sales tax in Oregon and root, root, root for the underdog. Or just hope that the USA can finally find a way to conquer an unchartered mountain.
Now, as an American, of course I have some ideas to make soccer a little more US friendly. Why? Because we're American, which means we value our opinions and have the attention span of a toddler...
1) Steal from Hockey - The Stanley Cup Finals was amazing, with some bad blood, drama, constant offense and high scoring. So, what can we learn from hockey? How about icing?! Why can't this rule exist on the pitch? If a defender or goalie gets the ball and boots it deep during the course of action, and the ball makes it to midfield and is touched by the other team, that team should get a free kick from 30 yards out. Why wouldn't this be interesting? You'd be forcing defenses to work to gain possession. It would make sprints to deep balls even more important. And how many more shots on goals would it create, at the same time not really making it a free-for-all on goals, unless you can bend it like Beckham. I think this is genius. (patting on back)
2) Replay - In most cases, I am not in favor of excessive instant replay. Anybody watching the NBA Finals this year should agree with that. (Side note: Checking every loose ball deflection ruined the NBA Finals experience for me. The officials awarded a ball to the Celtics because it technically touched a Laker last, but he was mauled by Rajon Rondo. Just not a good situation) BUT... replay in soccer could really help it out. I only say this because of the technology available and how important a goal is. Give each coach two challenges and the ability to look at offside calls (that aren't) and handballs (I am looking at you, Thierry Henry). It would certainly make the results a bit more assured, and probably cut back on riots and dead officials. Everybody wins!
3) Evolve the Vevuzela - The biggest storyline of the World Cup up to today were those stinkin horns. I still don't know how people keep those suckers humming for the entire match. But, I'll agree slightly with the casual fans at home, it is slightly annoying. However, it isn't much worse than hip-hop during the middle of action at NBA games, or the chicken dance on a baseball organ. Let's keep the horn, but add a little flavor. Make them sound a little more like kazoos and have whole fanbases perform songs. But, there needs to be a czar of approved music, to avoid 'Who Let the Dogs Out' or Soulja Boy.
4) In Americanized soccer (college), we allow unlimited substitutions and players to come back in after leaving the match once. What is wrong with that. International soccer guarantees that at least 8 players are on the field for the duration. Could you imagine the quicksand the NBA Finals would be played on right now if Andrew Bynum had to bust his broken wheel up and down the court each night? No thank you.
There, four simple solutions. You'd have folks in this country pushing soccer right past the PBA in terms of popularity. Those poor bowlers; I'll have to save that sport next.
- Will
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