Let me ask you something

I am going to set the record straight. No member of my immediate family has ever worked in the "oldest profession." You will not find them on a dirty street corner looking for a little something, if you catch my drift. As for Dez Bryant, I don't know how he might describe that. Fortunately, nobody will ever ask him that questions. Oooooops. This story has blown up. I really don't know how to formulate an opinion, but it screams of being, at the very least, insensitive, irresponsible and unprofessional. There are millions invested in these players, but where is the line in researching the background of players?

I'm not going to go farther than that, but the whole thing got me thinking... Professional athletes aren't any different than you and me interviewing for a job, right? So, they have to get asked questions to formulate whether or not they will be an effective return on investment. So, I kept thinking... There have to be some sports folks who wish they could have asked a more probing question in the past. I smell a Top 10 list:

TOP 10 Questions That Should Have Been Asked of Sports Figures

10. (Okay, this isn't a question, but relevant today) The Oakland Raiders should have brought JaMarcus Russell in before the draft and put him in one of those focus group rooms with the one-way mirror on the wall. In one corner, a table with a box of Twinkies and a Gameboy. In the other, a table with a protein bar and a playbook. When he walked immediately toward the former, maybe the Raiders would have drafted a sprinter with bricks for hands instead of the world's fastest growing multi-millionaire.

9. From: Most NBA GMs from 1976-1990

"Have you ever had the urge to snort something in your nose or party with a racing heart rate?"

To: David Thompson, Chris Washburn, John Lucas, Michael Ray Richardson, Roy Tarpley and Shawn Kemp

I wanted to make some funny 'nose candy' references here and expand on this point, but would seriously steal almost every drug-related comment from Bill Simmons' The Book of Basketball.

8. From: The Indiana University Board of Trustees

"You have teenage children, right? I am assuming, with cell phones. Have they ever taught you what a text message or three-way call is?

To: Kelvin Sampson

Seriously, Sampson claiming ignorance on the three-way calls is one of the best deer-in-headlight excuses ever. The NCAA laughed inside closed doors, I'm sure. After the laughter, a nuclear bomb exploded in the IU Basketball Program.

7. From: Congress

"Did you take performance enhancing drugs?"

To: Roger Clemens

Wait, you're saying this question was actually asked? And Clemens said what? Misremembered?!?!?! Remember when American cared about baseball players taking steroids? I don't. I think that question above killed any interest in the story. In the end, a rich baseball player is still rich (albeit isolated) and chicks dig the long ball.

6. From: Steve Fisher

"Just checking, does everybody know how many timeouts we have left?"

To: Chris Webber

A great what-if... Does Webber get called for a travel if they actually had a timeout? I think he does. The officials were in such amazement at the situation, the trance was mesmerizing.

5. From: NHL, IndyCar

"How much would it cost for us to stay on ESPN?"

To: Themselves

This is still a to-be-determined category and things are looking better, but I've been on my couch the last five nights and have failed to see hockey because I simply forget it is on Versus. This isn't a knock on Versus because they are trying and dedicate to those sports. But, it isn't mainstream sports media yet. It's a step above internet streaming: You will get the audience that wants to find you, not the person flipping around. I hope I am wrong about this in 2-3 years.

4. From: Kiki Vandeweghe

"So, do you know how to play basketball?"

To: Nikoloz Tskitishvili

If anybody knows me, they know how much I like to make fun of Skita. I am convinced that he is a really tall guy who ran a game on the corner with three cards and a cardboard box. One day, he won a video camera in a bet, had a friend video tape him dunking and sent it to Colorado. Boom, 'With the fifth pick in the NBA Draft...'

3. From: Bobby Beathard

"How do you respond to criticism?"

To: Ryan Leaf

Not a loaded question, right? Wrong. Upon asking this question, Leaf would have gone all Jim 'Chris' Everett on poor Bobby. 'What the hell is that question supposed to mean? Who have you been talking to?' Ryan would have destroyed San Diego after that. Oh wait, he did destroy San Diego.

2. From: Steve Williams

"Who was that on the phone, dude?"

To: Tiger Woods

Honestly, tell me you wouldn't have talked Tiger away from some of those skanks if you were standing right next to him. I'm all for being the proper wingman, but help your man at least upgrade.

1. From: The BCS Organizers

"Does this help us finally crown an undisputed champion?"

To: Big Football Schools

The problem here is not the question, but where it was directed. I got handed a note card today with a guy's name on it running for school board. Nothing else; Just, 'Vote for Bob.' I don't know why. But, I have the power to choose and make an impact. I should be allowed to vote on the BCS. It should be a right.

Basic interview questions that would have changed the world. Or at least made it interesting.

- Will

This Week Snuck Up On Me

No, there is nothing flashy about this week, but when did sports come out of hibernation? I was flipping through the channels during a quick rest on Sunday and found myself hopping between 5 different networks for everything from playoff hoops and hockey, to golf and IndyCar racing. I had convinced myself (and my wife) that the sports world died a little bit after the NCAA Tourney and Masters wrapped up. Wow, am I getting old and out-of-touch. Somewhere, Will Haskett circa 1997 is hopping into a DeLorean with Doc Brown to come to the future and kick my ass. Sports is a 365-day-a-year commitment, you idiot! (Well, with the exception of the day before MLB All-Star festivities; literally nothing takes place on that day. Don't believe me? Watch SportsCenter that night. Jay Harris gives lessons on how to tie a Windsor and John Kruk demonstrates the art of eating a chili dog in two bites)

Because the week is so full, let's just hit the topics in no particular order...

NBA Playoffs

I was actually going to post a ridiculous prediction blog about who would win every first-round series and see how wrong/right I could be having not watched more than a handful of games all season. You know, for giggles. I don't despise the NBA. I'm a realist. I don't expect overpaid players to bust their ass for all 82 games in the regular season. I just don't. They take defensive possessions off, stand around and watch the star player score and run amok on the basic rules Naismith laid out a century ago (Apparently Pau Gasol inherited the Ewing travel). However, then the playoffs roll around. The games are given a Red Bull and the intensity is worth watching. My example: I watched most of the second half of the Lakers-Thunder on Sunday. There, I admitted it. First step to recovery... Anybody see Kobe's block of Durant in transition? When does that happen in the regular season? It doesn't. You know why? The key to that play isn't the vertical leap and block, it's the wind sprint Kobe does to get back. That kind of hustle only exists in the playoffs. Just ask Ron Artest, who is now playing defense. Just ask him nicely. (Side note: Can anybody imagine Kevin Durant playing basketball in the 80's, before supplements and weight gain regiments? How skinny would he have been. I'm thinking Manute Bol with an eating disorder. The bearded guy from those African infomercials would have to quit his day job and raise money for the Feed-Kevin fund)

NHL Playoffs

If the NBA regular season gets Red Bull, the NHL gets Chernobly! (If you haven't seen Hot Tub Time Machine, you aren't laughing right now) Remember the Winter Olympics and what it was going to do for hockey? That lasted about 72 hours. Wait, didn't I leave a blog around here about that? I think hockey is completely under-appreciated. But playoff hockey is like an explosion of speed, sweat, desire, energy, pain, violence, facial hair and ups-&-downs. (Ironically, that same description was used to describe the career of Ron Jeremy; weird) Playoff hockey keeps you on the edge of your seat for three hours while you try to figure out the mascots for Phoenix and Nashville, at the same time you figure out which Canadian provinces used to have a team. Do yourself a favor, get out an Atlas or GPS device and locate Versus on your TV and watch some hockey.

Brian Davis

I've gotten a few emails and texts this week as the resident competitive golfer to ask about the end of the Colonial on Sunday, where a player (Brian Davis) brushed a twig on his backswing, called a penalty on himself, and (essentially) lost himself the tournament. I'm not going to get on some high horse and say that it 'shows why golfers have more integrity than other athletes.' This is the same sport that produced Tiger 'Lay Em if you See Em' Woods. But, it was an interesting end to a tourney, from a man who had never won on the PGA Tour. The rule makes sense. He was in a hazard (no water, just mud and brush), which means he shouldn't be entitled to improving the lie of his ball, meaning he can't remove any nearby impediments. Brushing a twig while taking the club back isn't intended, but it's part of the rule. The lost message here is that HE was the only person who even noticed it, and still called it upon himself. That takes stones, knowing what you are giving up (400K, 2-year Tour exemption, probably some sponsor $$), but it's the rule. And, let's be honest... By yesterday, somebody watching a million replays would've called him on it. Strange way to end something, but a good day for golf. Why? Hell, I don't know why. People (AP) have said that, so it must be true, right? Right???!!????

NFL Draft

I plan on doing something a bit more formal on draft night, mainly because I want to see how many times Chris Berman gets flustered trying to fill time and segments. The NFL Draft is growing in ratings and I have no idea why. The time between picks is nauseating, especially when you consider that almost every conceivable option, at every conceivable pick, has been dissected for the past few months by every network. By the time Roger Goodell hits the stage for the 16th pick, we know every possible player available and really don't care what the pick is. Especially in a year with no sexy names available. Don't believe me? Name a player you are excited about in the draft... A player you will pay extra attention to next year in a regular season game. Yeah, hard isn't it. I like Ndamukong Suh, but I don't watch games for the DT. Sam Bradford?! Eh. Hope it works out, St. Louis.

High School All-Star Games

Saw a few of these on TV the past few weeks, headlined at the start by the McDonald's All-Star [Pickup] Game. You want to know why NBA players take games off? Because from a young age, they have been put on a pedestal and told they are special. These games are a complete joke. And you know what fuels them? Me, you and more college basketball craved fans. Why? Because we want them to play at our schools. We pay $9.99 per month to read "insider" message boards that post Tweets from kids about where they might play ball in college. Recruiting has become more interesting than the games themselves. The last time I seriously played a video game was probably NCAA Football by EA Sports. No joking, I would simulate 80% of the season, play the big games to make sure I won, and then spend most of my time recruiting. It was more fun than playing the actual game. So, now we allow kids to make their college choice on national TV at the halftime of these greedy games. I had an ego in high school with no athletic ability. Think about these kids.

I really didn't want to end this blog on a negative rant, so I'll leave with this: Donovan McNabb wants the Redskins to consider adding Terrell Owens to Washington. Oh please, powers that be, make this happen. Pretty please!

- Will

A Tradition Unlike Any Other

Ah, Sunday of the Masters. Nothing better than a lazy afternoon on the couch in April to watch the greatest golf tournament in the world. It's one of those days where you find yourself a TV, no matter what. Somewhere, a wedding is missing a groomsman; a wife is looking for her husband in a delivery room; and smoky, dark bars everywhere actually have golf on the big screens.

But, of course, this week has been about more than the greatest golf course and most prestigious tournament. It's been about Tiger Woods. I've put off commenting on the Tiger sex scandal for a few months, but today seems like the perfect time to break it down. I think it's fitting that Tiger came back to the Masters because his predicament can be compared, in a weird extended metaphor, to that of the Masters tournament itself. Think about it...

Something that is the best of the best, has the money and power to influence and control the exposure and coverage it receives, intimidating, elusive, mysterious and, yet, something everybody wants to be a part of. If there was ever a group of people that might understand Tiger's struggle over the past few months, it's the men in the green jackets. If not for the power they yielded, imagine how quickly they would be knocked from their throne. (Don't look for me to ever print something negative about the folks at Augusta. I'll be the first to admit that I will brown-nose as much as it possibly takes to get on that course.)

So Tiger showed up to the shelter of Magnolia Lane and got a welcome reception. Why? Because anybody that booed him would have been hastily escorted to the state line, badge snatched out of their clenched hand and told 'don't bother coming back.' Is it right? Probably not, but is it surprising? I don't know. Through all of this, I don't know if I have been more surprised at Tiger's deviant behavior, the complete meltdown of PR afterward or the welcome reception he got coming back.

Let's discuss the behavior, shall we? I have been fortunate in my life to be privy to some inside information as it relates to professional athletes. Infidelity never surprises me. The average fan would be shocked to know how prevalent it is. That didn't shock me. The depths of his nastiness, however, was something out of the trash novel. Just read the Howard Stern transcript of the Joselyn James interview and her memories of the "affair." I know it's the internet, but I can't post that stuff here. Even Tiger exceeded my own imagination. Anything he does on the golf course never surprised me. This stuff did.

I know that Tiger got therapy for his "sexual addiction." For the sake of not offending those in therapy, I won't go off on how ludicrous it is to be addicted to sex. Tiger is a man. I am a man. Men like sex. Guess I should seek help. But, I think this whole thing is simple. TW was a driven young man, a prodigy, who never was given the opportunity to really develop the other skills in his life, no matter how poised and media savvy he is. By "other skills" I mean dating. Think about it, when did he ever have the normal, learn-about-yourself-and-body experimental dating phase? He was either a) an overworked adolescent playing golf or b) an amazingly famous person incapable of a normal relationship. So, what do you think he did? What any red-blooded young man would do: he watched porn. Yep, you know why I know? Are you a man reading this? Then you know. I went to college the year Napster came out. File sharing was like shaking hands. Porn was everywhere if you needed it. Tiger is a few years older than me and had access to anything he wanted. Now, for most, it is all a fantasy. But what would happen if you are the richest man in the world? You can make anything happen. And Tiger did. Everything he's ever wanted, he got, so why not some freak-nasty pornstar booty?! There, problem solved. No charge. If Tiger has a therapist and this has never been addressed, that's a problem.

Should we like Tiger again? As a golfer, I can't not like his game. It's poetry to watch. I don't mind the outbursts either, because I was never considered "calm and collected" in competitive play. But that means we cheer a good shot. Should we cheer when he is introduced? A man, with two young children, who treated casual sex with hoochies like a four-footer for par. It will be interesting to see what happens when he wins. Maybe not this weekend at the Masters... Enjoy the golf!

Weekend of Events; Lifetime of Memories

I wanted this blog to be an outside opinion on the world of sports. I wanted it to be funny, somewhat insightful and, of course, a little self-serving (hey, it's a blog, in the age of 'everybody is an internet celebrity'). I also wanted it to be full of banter (don't worry, Tim is coming) and viewpoints. And then this weekend happened. My sports world got flipped upside-down with Butler in the Final Four. Hell, the final game.

A Final Four I was scheduled to be working at months ago, gathering stories and quotes from players for use by all of my media peers. I wanted this forum to be a place where I could share funny stories (don't worry, they are below) and a day-by-day blow about the inner-workings of the Final Four. And then, Butler was there. A program I've loved like none other since committing to the campus back in 1999. One team for which I still carry some bias. I was with the team for the first-ever modern NCAA win (No, I don't count stuff prior to 1970. Shoot me.). I was there for the gut-wrenching MCC Tourney loss in 2002 that led to biggest shaft in Tourney history. I was there for the first Sweet 16. I was there for the epic fall that followed. This weekend wasn't supposed to happen except in dreams and the minds of some ballsy players and coaches.

Then, the games were played. I can sum up each game in one thought:

Butler beats Michigan State - Neither team played pretty, but Butler wanted it more and fought for it. Plain and simple

Duke beats West Virginia - Both teams came out on fire, Duke decided to settle down and play defense. West Virginia didn't. Beat-down followed.

Duke beats Butler - One of the greatest games ever was decided by a future NBA swing man making tough shots and showing he was just a bit more physically ready than another NBA swing man that missed a chance at two epic shots. 80 combined minutes of brutal, competitive, brilliant, exhausting and crowd-pleasing basketball.

Butler almost won a national championship. Let that settle for a second. They had a shot (two shots) to win a national championship. I sat in so many press conferences over the weekend lamenting every time somebody brought up a Hoosiers reference, but when Butler took the floor, I did feel a little underdog in me wanting to kick the snot out of the big bad boy on the block.

Never before have I despised my media credential. I had great seats; glorious seats for the greatest games in Butler basketball history. Yet, I felt neutered. Like somebody gave me a lobotomy and took away my passion. I wanted to cheer, yell at Ted Valentine (he deserved it a couple of times), applaud great effort and high-five my neighbor. Instead, I bottled emotion like an ex-girlfriend with a grudge. It's my quote of the week for myself: "I feel like I left a piece of my sports soul in Lucas Oil Stadium." I turned into a vegetable watching the games, and when Hayward missed at the buzzer, instinct set in and I rushed onto the court to get the first interview with Kyle Singler. Yep, exclusive. He just torched my boys, but I was happy for him because he was genuine and professional to me. Isn't there something wrong with me?

I felt depleted the day after. Hungover with no alcohol. Because the carrot was dangled in front of us and snatched away right when we thought we could get it. But, the sun will rise tomorrow, and next week, and next month. And when it does, Butler University and Butler Athletics is 1,000% improved because of what happened over a couple of days. It started on Friday, when this was the scene in a football stadium:

All of this for a tiny school with less than 20,000 local alumni. Amazing.

On to the rest of the weekend. Like I said, it was all media, all the time at the Oil Can. Here are the ups and downs from the media explosion...

STOCK UP:

ESPN Reporters - Look, I know the 4-letter doesn't get a lot of love because of their power and glam, but what ever happened to keeping up some good appearances? Pat Forde, Dana O'Neill and Andy Katz all stood out in a room swelling with reporters because, well, they put themselves together that morning.

What is the deal with the deterioration of dress in a public place? I saw a girl with a media credential walking around with jeans littered with holes (seriously, I saw more thigh skin than denim) and a tight t-shirt with (cough), ahem, not a lot of, you know, "support" up top. She made Tiger Woods' rolodex look classy. Between that and the morbidly obese sportswriters who guzzle soda and pine for the free media buffet, I felt bad for sports journalism. The TV folks (especially local) are all glamour and little reporting. The print guys? reporting, from their hermit caves apparently. Maybe all print journalists should be forced to do one live TV shoot a month. Would that change their outlook on wardrobe and showering? (That was an homage to grumpy old people everywhere. I am channeling you!)

John Feinstein - Most enjoyable part of any press conference over the weekend was Feinstein playing dumb while asking the NCAA's Greg Shaheen questions about a possible tournament expansion to 96 teams either next year or in 2014. (Side note: If this NCAA Tourney did anything, it proved that the current model is just fine, thank you. Growing to 96 will water-down the field, kill interest in office pools for many and clutter the first two weeks of games, killing story lines and human interest. If it aint broke, don't fix it. This is so egregiously stupid and greedy, it's not even funny) Anyways, Feinstein called out the NCAA on their hypocrisy and had a brilliant exchange. Closest I've ever come to going to a reporter and giving a high-five. I won't rehash it all. You can read it here.

Basketball Coaches - The Final Four had four teams, but the coaching names were so big that last names sufficed: K, Izzo, Huggins (and Brad Stevens)... Think about this for Krzyzewski: he can be known by one letter... Coach K. Only 25 more options left in the alphabet. Talk about limited potential company. Although an unknown commodity until this weekend, Brad Stevens may have a better eye for game film, knack for team preparation and general IQ for hoops than the other three. I'm not sayin', just sayin'. Even beyond that argument, the weekend proved that, at least at the college level, coaching is still unbelievably relevant. It was a victory for college basketball purists, as teams with crazy, young talent (Hello Kentucky!) couldn't make it to the promised land. Instead it was balanced rosters with remarkable leaders at the helm.

STOCK DOWN:

Bob Kravitz - Ah, my hometown columnist. Look, I've never formally met the guy, but shared a number of media rooms with him. On Thursday, we shared a large one. As I was talking to two of his colleagues from the Indianapolis Star, he walks up to me and says, "Hey, is there any way for me to get a Diet Coke?" Mind you, I am wearing a nice suit, pressed shirt and rocking the same credential he is (granted, it does say NCAA on mine for the weekend). I guess that's what all waiters and food service professionals look like at his local establishment. Get a little cranky without that fake sugar buzz, huh Bob? (Please don't interpret this as me thinking I am important. I wasn't. But c'mon dude)

Mike Freeman - The CBSSports columnist wrote this misleading, contrived piece of garbage over the weekend, saying that Butler coach Brad Stevens is "irked" about the current facilities at Butler. I don't know if he was in the room during the press conference (I can't recall), but the quotes he uses to justify his point were taken completely out of context. This is what happens if you look merely at a transcript from a press conference, if that was the case here. I sat through almost all of this press conference, and those quotes were used more to talk about how special Butler is and how good of a story it is that they were there. Instead, it was used to bludgeon the whole when-will-Stevens-leave story to death. I don't mean to pick on Mr. Freeman here, because he was one of several writers over the weekend that went painfully fishing for stories.

3 personal favorites:

1. The writer who asked Stevens if he had a player put a teammate on his back to measure the rims, like in the movie Hoosiers.
2. Somebody asking Coach K (during his press conference after winning the national championship) what it was like reading the paper in the morning with the New Jersey Nets coaching job story.
3. In a losing West Virginia locker room, the question was posed, "Was tonight a disappointment?" (At that very moment, I prayed we were transported to an NBA locker room with that question directed at Ron Artest)

Hygiene - I can't get off this subject. I just can't do it. I look better watching sports, alone, on my couch than half of the writers in America sitting front-and-center for the Final Four. Since when did writing for the Topeka Journal Gazette Times website give you some sort of holier-than-thou authority to expect front-row seats that come with a wear-what-you-want mentality. (Where is the Guinness Book of World Records? I think I just set a record for most hyphenated descriptive phrases in that last sentence) There were fans sitting, literally, seven stories above the court that paid a week's salary to see a game, while Jumbo the Slob sat courtside, pecking away at his laptop. One day, a sporting event will institute a dress code and it will be glorious.

However, this lack of proper attire does have its benefits. If you show up to any sporting event wearing a suit, chances are you can do almost anything you want. It's becoming so rare that people just assume you are important.

I can't believe it is over. It took a full 24 hours to emotionally recover (this blog was saved 5 times over the past day because I just couldn't write it all at once) but everything was worth it, especially as life moves forward. Next year, some team might get to play 7 games to reach the title game. I need Feinstein to take over now...

- Will